Chances
by carla-connor-corrie
Summary: "in the end we only regret the chances we didn't take and the decisions we waited too long make"


"I don't care where you were today." 

I try to intervene because if he knew he would care so much, he'd care endlessly about the events that had occurred since we last saw each other. But he kept talking, his words making my guilt rise, his touch not having its usual calming influence. When our lips met and I heard the kitchen door shut my body jolted, jolted back from Nick and my eyes diverted to Robert. 

"Let me go and sort Robert out and-" 

"Nick," I said again my voice tired and weak but he just told me to sit down, told me he'd be back soon. "Nick I need to talk to you," My eyes once again shifted to Robert whose eyes were fixed upon his clasped hands. "Now." 

The tone of my voice must have altered, the urgency and guilt probably more evident as Nick nodded his head slowly before allowing me to lead the way.

* * *

The office was warm as usual and I sat on the small sofa that occupied the corner of the room, my body was tense and I daren't look at Nick as he stiffly sat on the edge of his desk. 

"About today I-" 

"I said, I don't care where you were today; you needed time and space. Carla, it really doesn't bother me where-" 

"The casino," I said abruptly not wanting the ongoing speech of Nick's love and support and how it wasn't important. It was important, it really was. 

"That's okay, it's okay to have bad days," Nick told me and he was trying to get our eyes to meet but I wouldn't let him, I couldn't let him. 

"And the hotel, the hotel next to the casino with someone else, someone who wasn't you," everything came out so quickly and I was tripping over my words and that was okay because Nick knew. He knew. 

"Wh- what?" He asked and his hands went to the desk as if they were steadying his weight and for the first time since I'd arrived our eyes met. 

"I'm sorry," My voice was quiet and broken, broken like the look on Nick's face. 

"Who?" Nick's voice was practically a whisper and I didn't want to tell him who because I was scared and certain it would make things worse. My eyes disconnected from his again and I looked down at the floor trying to think, to think of anything other than the truth. 

"I was drunk and he'd won some money and it happened so quickly and after I-" 

"Who?" Nick asked again, his tone harsher this time. 

"Robert," I said so quietly I wasn't sure if Nick had heard me. 

"As in the chef? You copped off with my chef because you were drunk!" Nick stood from the desk and the rise in his voice had made me tense even more. 

"He came into the casino and won some money and I was already drunk. Then we drank some more and it just happened and when it was over I ran so quickly out of the hotel and I was rude to this couple in the lift because it was their honeymoon and I was scared I'd ruined us." My words were tripping over one another as I desperately tried to make Nick see that I'd made a mistake, that my love for him hadn't changed. 

"Why?" Nick asked, the only word he could manage to voice, he was pacing the office but then he stopped. He stopped in front of me and crouched down. His hands laced with mine and I looked at him confused, confused by his action of affection when I'd just admitted my disloyalty. "Why?" 

"I was angry with Johnny and everything he's done. I was angry that my life could've been different and the truth had been hidden from me; he didn't even tell me when I married Paul. Then you were going on at me and you were right to, everything you've been saying has been right but I couldn't cope. Then Michelle came into the factory and was going on and on and I know she only meant well but I couldn't cope. I was scared and I felt alone and I didn't know where else to go so I went to the casino. Then Robert came in and I didn't care who it was, I just wanted company, just anyone who didn't know about the mess surrounding me. I was drunk and careless and vulnerable and confused. I'm so sorry, Nick." 

A stray tear fell down my cheek and I pulled my hand away from Nick's to wipe it away, he was the one who should be upset and angry not me. Nick shifted himself so he was sat next to me, he let out a sigh as his body hit the back of the sofa. 

"Why didn't you come and see me?" He asked and his voice was slow as if he was trying to piece everything I'd just told him together. 

"I just, I thought that you, I don't know, were done with me and after this morning we were hardly on the best of terms," I told him honestly but it wasn't Nick's fault, none of it was Nick's fault. 

"Carla," My name coming from Nick's mouth didn't sound the way it did before, he sounded fed up and tired, "You need to stop thinking you're not enough, you need to stop taking your feelings out on things that will hurt you even more." 

"But that's who I am, that's what I do. I get myself into a bad place then I make it worse." 

"You don't need to do that. Carla, there are so many people that have time for you, people that want to help. There's Roy, Michelle, Aidan, Kate and even Johnny if you let him. They want to help you, Carla. If you let them help then you'd be able to get through things, through things like this without hurting yourself, and others, even more." 

"What about you?" I said quietly, Nick's name was missing from the list he gave me and his name was the only one that bothered me at that moment. 

"I need to get back to work, it's getting busy," He said, his words rushed and his body now moving towards the door, "um, I'll see you later or something."

* * *

Nick's key in the door wasn't a sound I thought I'd be hearing that night, he let himself in as usually and did his usual routine: keys down, jacket off, shoes off, kettle on. All as if nothing had happened. 

"Have you eaten?" He asked, just as he usually would, and I shook my head hoping he was looking at me to see. 

"We could order something then or I'll cook," Nick said as he started looking in the fridge, "there isn't really anything in here so-"

"Nick just stop," I said from the sofa, my voice still tired, "come and sit down." 

"We spoke earlier, there's nothing more to say," He told me. 

"Nick, please just talk to me about this," I pleaded and the tone of my voice clearly made him sit beside me. 

"It's fine," He said with a weak smile. 

"It's not fine," I told him bluntly because it was the truth. 

"I'm upset and a little bit disappointed and confused but you were honest and that's the main thing. You told me the truth and I know you regret it and Robert regrets it-" 

"Robert?"

"Yeah, I spoke to him and he told me how you got yourself in a state and rushed off and how neither of you were thinking. You made a mistake, a big one at that. I mean I'm not exactly a saint," Nick chuckled slightly and my body relaxed for the first time in hours. 

"I am sorry, really sorry," I said my hand reaching for his, a gesture which he accepted as our fingers laced together, "I love you so much, Nick and I promise I won't hurt you again. I want us to work because you make me happy, really happy."

"Please just talk to me next time. I'm here for you through everything because I love you and I want you to be happy, Carla," He told me before moving slightly closer. 

"So we're okay?" I asked nervously because it was a question I never thought I'd have to ask Nick. 

"Maybe we shouldn't rush the wedding, give everything time to settle down," Nick suggested and I nodded in agreement. 

"But we're okay?" I asked again and there was a hint of desperation in my voice. 

"We'll be okay," Nick smiled and his hand met my face and his lips met my forehead. His touch felt soft and his kiss was everything I'd longed for all afternoon, a sense of comfort and a feeling of love. It would take time but we would be okay.

* * *

 _The trailer for this is on my YouTube channel (CarlaConnor Corrie) or find the link on my Twitter ( KeepWalking_T) which might make the concept of this clearer, thank you so much for reading!_


End file.
